I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
