Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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