just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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