I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Farmville is her only friend.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
