at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
