all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
