So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
