I looked at my own cervix.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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