I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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