all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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