I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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