I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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