problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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