you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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