He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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