Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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