I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
