She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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