on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
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Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
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So much rum. So many feels.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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