Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize