Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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