Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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