I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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