And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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