This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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