Is it because I queefed?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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