thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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