Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
last night I used snow as a chaser
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