I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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