forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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