and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
