Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
