Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
