the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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