he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize