The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Randomize
