You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
