genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
