I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
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Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
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You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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