Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
