would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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