I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
