what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
