was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
