Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
