Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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