Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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