My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
