I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
