I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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