Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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