I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He shit in the fireplace
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
