I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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