Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
