I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
