hotel room ftw
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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