the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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