sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
