saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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