Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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