it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
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wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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