That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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