I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
