I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
