I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
