sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
