Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
