ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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