Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
