Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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