anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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